So….our book, My Heart Got Married And I Didn’t Know It, names and defines the concepts of heart marriage, heart divorce and serial heart marriage. No surprise that serial heart marriage describes a person who moves from one heart marriage to another in succession. Why would someone do this? Well, relationship behavior is like other behavior, it is habitual. So a person could have a long term relationship with the markers of heart marriage but when it dissolved, they may not do the hard work of trying to figure out why the relationship didn’t work. They meet someone new and before taking the time to know them well, they quickly become sexually intimate and monogamous. The comfort and ease of cohabitation follow as that is the person’s habit.
I recently met a guy who told me he hadn’t had his own place in 12 years! Really, he had lived with a woman for 6 years and when they broke up, moved immediately into his new girlfriend’s apartment where he stayed for 4 years. When that fell apart, he moved in with his current girlfriend, where he has lived for the past 2 years. He tells me he wants to get married but just hasn’t met the right woman yet. This is the perfect example of serial heart marriage and this guy will need to change his behavior and intentionally slow things down to figure out what he really is looking for in a life partner. Serial heart marriage…something to think about.
Lora & Barbara