Heart Marriage the Second Time Around

So you’ve been married and now you are divorced or perhaps even widowed — can heart marriage happen to you?  Absolutely!  In fact, contrary to the conventional wisdom that your experience and maturity will prevent heart marriage, the truth is that it may even be more likely!  Why?  Well, as a “previously married,” your relationship pattern has included all of the binding behaviors of marriage — monogamy, sexual intimacy, cohabitation and endurance over years — it has been long term by definition.  Now you are inching back into the dating scene and how in the world do you date without including all of those binding behaviors?

As we have talked with audiences about our book, My Heart Got Married And I Didn’t Know It,  we often encounter the divorced or widowed individual who tells us that indeed she/he has fallen into the “heart marriage” trap. Several times after speaking to college aged groups, individuals have come up and we have expected them to talk about their own relationship, but instead they have said ” I want to buy your book and give it to my mother!”   So for all of you “mature daters” who are in or entering the dating scene AGAIN — check out our website, myheartgotmarried.com.  It could save you some heartache!

Barbara & Lora

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2 Responses to “Heart Marriage the Second Time Around”

  1. pjgann Says:

    Hi all, glad to hear you discuss older people dating and relationships after divorce. Presently I am married but if I were divorced and started dating again I don’t think I would be vulnerable to some things that you talk about in heart marriages, however I do think it would be difficult not to attach quickly to someone that supplies what you didn’t have in the previous marriage. I mean let’s face it, when you finally divorce you are often starving for things the relationship lacked. Sounds tempting but scary—–I think I’ll just stay a little hungry. Love to hear what others think happens when older (and I mean sixty or older) start dating again. Surely there are some experienced daters out there that can share their experience.

    • myheartgotmarried Says:

      Good Morning Pjgann. We really appreciate your comments! Indeed, anyone coming out of a divorce is vulnerable and entering the dating world can be both exciting and scary at the same time. As in most situations, being really clear about what you want and being unafraid to express it are important. I guess we always struggle with doing what “feels good to us” versus “what is good for us!” Filling needs that have gone wanting for a long time can deceptively feel like “love” and can definitely contribute to early attachment.

      We know there are many “mature” daters facing this everyday. We are hoping some will respond. Sharing experiences helps all of us!

      Barbara & Lora


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